Naked Mind

Eydie Gorme - Send in the clowns.wmv

2011-08-14T11:03:00.000-07:00

I have always LOVED this song, though I had never heard this rendition by Eydie Gorme. Also, I had no idea (until today) that this song was from a Broadway musical "A Little Night Music" by Stephen Sondheim. The music and lyrics are brilliant!
I have been working on a musical of my own for...oh, for a LONG time. Oh how I would love to have a number in my musical as poignant and memorable as this piece...
Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move.
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.

Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.

Don't you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want.
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're here.

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer,
Losing my timing this late
In my career?
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
Well, maybe next year.

Love can be messy

2011-05-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

coming soon...

2011-05-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

peacocks and posies

2011-03-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

Running Up That Hill (Deal with God) - Kate Bush

2011-02-17T11:45:00.000-08:00

Authentic Thursday week 8

2011-02-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

Letting it fall apart….in our culture we try to “keep it together.” Looking good on the outside is overrated. Rather than admit we need help, many of us put on a good front…that is until we can’t fake it anymore. That’s where I was back in 2001. Everything in my life was falling apart and I couldn’t keep it together any more. Please see last weeks post so you will understand what’s going on in this post. I’m in the middle of a conversation with God.

So I say to god, “I’m not ready for this” and she says “Yes you are.” “She” you ask? Yes, my new god had a female voice. Actually she had my voice. The voice didn’t come from somewhere outside of me, rather, it came from deep inside of me. This very mature, sensible, complete and perfectly evolved part of me. She wasn’t going to let me go backward into ignorant bliss. Each time I began to panic, she would calm me down with a voice of reason. My thoughts were racing!!!
Who are you? “I am who you need me to be.” What about my belief as a Jehovah’s Witness? “That was what you needed at the time.” This means you could also be some malicious punishing god that burns people forever. “Why does fire scare you, is that the worst thing you can think of? You are eternal and fire cannot harm you. You are energy.”

Ok, so you think that’s weird? Then, (because I’m completely narcissistic) I say to god “I know things other people don’t know…” and god says “Yes you do know things others don’t. And they know things you don’t, you all need each other.” Why do I have to be an artist, I don’t want to be an artist. Why can’t I be a rich business person? “You chose this path.” No I didn’t, I didn’t ask to be born….long uncomfortable pause on god’s part, leaving me to fill in the blanks. I don’t like what she’s implying! Interpretation is open here. At the time I went through this conversation I understood this to mean that I had a pre-human existence, chose to be born and be on this journey. In fact, I still believe that. As a matter of fact god said “you came here to learn about love and jealousy.” Clearly I have a long way to go in that regard! As I review this very radical experience, as I write this post and see my words, and god’s words, I see possibility.

Well, let’s just say I continued to freak out with all of this new information. It took a good while to assimilate and digest this new concept of god. It was so foreign to my previous beliefs, yet so undeniably authentic. I continue to try and maintain an open mind and be tolerant of others beliefs. I realize that whatever concept another may have of god, though it may be completely different from my understanding, it is exactly how they need to understand god. It’s not my job to convert people into thinking like me. Still, I do hope what I’ve shared has resonated with some, and perhaps rattled a few cages. If you’re going through a spiritual crisis, you can survive. You may need help. So get help. It may be terrifying to let it fall apart, but sometimes it’s actually falling together. We all need each other…

Peace and Love,

Susan

website

2011-01-27T21:11:00.001-08:00

*update* My site has been transferred, so you should be able to type www.susanbrown.net and get my new site (aqua background). If you are still seeing the old site (black background) you will need to refresh your browser and hopefully the new site will appear.Thanks!

Authentic Thursday week 7

2011-01-27T20:54:00.000-08:00

I want to conclude the story of my life this week. Of course it’s not the whole story, just an abbreviated version. I’ll be getting into the subject of “god” and that has me a little anxious. In the book, “Living Buddha, Living Christ”, Thich Nhat Hanh writes, “Discussing God is not the best use of our energy.” I agree. With that in mind, all I can do is share my experience regarding the spiritual/emotional side of life.

In September 2001, during a time when the US experienced a horrific attack, I was experiencing my own emotional breakdown. Things were ending for me. My dad had died the year before, my relationship was ending. I had left my religion, marriage and friends a few years before that, and ultimately had no God to turn to. I had started therapy but it wasn’t working fast enough. Plus I didn’t have the resources (money, health insurance) to get much of that kind of help. I was in absolute terror about my financial future and the future in general. My sister brought me to a 12 step meeting and when I saw and heard the word “God”, I knew there was no hope for me. If having a god in my life was the solution, I was screwed because I thought I knew all there was to know about such things.

I heard people sharing about “a god of your own understanding” and I thought “oh yeah, as if you can just decide for yourself who god is.” I didn’t believe it was possible to let go of my ideas and beliefs regarding this. I thought my god and religion were the only truths, absolute, set in stone. I didn’t want to go back to my religion, but I didn’t know how to move forward.

I really, really REALLY didn’t think I could go on living because I was so terrified. At the same time, I was afraid if I killed myself I would be transferred to another realm of eternal torment…not very promising. This is what you might call a spiritual crisis. I wanted desperately to be put in a hospital where I could be pumped full of drugs to shut off the chatter in my head.

I stayed up all night after that first 12 step meeting, (Friday September 28, 2001) just spinning in my head. I called my mom the next morning and informed her that I really couldn’t go on in this world, “you know how sad I’ve always been” I said, and she agreed. My sister lived downstairs from me and she came up and talked with me, and listened to me all day. I didn’t realize how much fear I had carried around most of my life. I shared with her a few things that had happened when I was a teenager…just a lot of fear and depression.

She could see how my current belief in god was keeping me in fear, and suggested that I find a new god. I wasn’t confident that I would be able to do this, but I did feel better by the end of the day. Not completely recovered, but better. The next day I went to another 12 step meeting and felt really connected to the group. By the end of the day I felt so peaceful. I thought maybe there was hope for me. That was September 30, 2001. The evening was really warm. I stood outside and looked at the stars and the moon and felt such utter and complete serenity, an absolute connection to the universe and all living things. At some point, in my state of new found bliss, I prayed. I asked this new god, whomever that might be, to review my life with me and show me where he (still patriarchal in beliefs) had been present in my journey. Suddenly I was terrified of what I had asked…I had opened a door to something new and “outside the box” of safe parameters that I had been accustomed to. Exactly who was I now praying to? The possibilities were endless. I quickly wanted to shut that door, but it would not be shut. I said I’m not ready for this. This new god said “yes you are.”

Ok, so I thought I would conclude this week, but look how much I’ve already written and there’s still a whole lot more to this conversation. Plus my arm is ready to fall off, carpal tunnel stuff.

I must leave you in suspense…next week for sure!

Much love,

Susan

website

2011-01-24T22:39:00.000-08:00

Temporary Detour

2011-01-22T13:37:00.000-08:00

I'm in the process of transferring my domain to a new hosting site. In the meanwhile, here is a temporary url link to my new site. Click on the image over on the right sidebar that says "temporary detour" Hope you love it!

Soon

2011-01-20T22:15:00.000-08:00

Thank you to those of you who have emailed me and acknowledged my little endeavor to be authentic. This is the week I'm supposed to be posting about my big spiritual experience (you know, my conversation with god.) I want to share in a way that moves and inspires, unfortunately I don't think my energy is equal to the task. I have been on this computer all day putting the finishing touches on my new website so I can launch in the next few days...my eyes won't stay open. There are still a few more issues to be resolved before I've completed it. Ugh!

My apologies...hopefully I can conclude my journey soon.

Happiness and Love,
Susan

Beauty

2011-01-19T18:57:00.001-08:00

The world is not respectable; it is mortal, tormented, confused, deluded forever, but is shot through with beauty, with love, with glints of courage and laughter; and in these the spirit blooms timidly and struggles to the light among thorns. ~ George Santayana

Without Her

2011-01-16T16:50:00.000-08:00

http://www.furious.com/perfect/alkooper.html

Authentic Thursday week 6

2011-01-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

If you've been following this mini series, you'll know I've been sharing (on a somewhat personal level) a sort of memoir. I've been dreading this week...actually, I'm feeling like backing out completely. Why you ask? Ok, maybe you don't ask :) but here's why; lots of yucky stuff!!! Also, I have to tread delicately in this area as the information does involve those of my loved ones.
Some good stuff too though~

Here's something I deliberately left out of my last segment: part of what prompted me to leave my marriage, religion, etc. was an infatuation with another man. More like an obsession. Let's put it this way...listen to my cd. Most of the songs on there were written during that period of my life.
Due to the tenets of my religion of that time, I was cut off from the congregation for being an adulterer. I felt like a murderer. I knew I had hurt my husband...badly. It was a tremendous shock to all those in my life.
I moved out of my home and into the artist loft I was renting in downtown Long Beach. This was in 1997. I spent the next 4 years painting, writing songs, and being in a relationship that was passionately painful.
Since I had left my beliefs and friends behind, my love/romance became my new religion.

In February of 2000 my father died. In September 2001 my romantic relationship ended and I had my conversation with God. I will wrap this up next week.

Much happiness,
Susan

Playing with dolls

2011-01-09T13:01:00.000-08:00

Why did I ever stop playing with dolls? Oh I remember, I was
anxious to grow up. Typical of me ;)

Life has been coming at me and I'm slightly overwhelmed, but fear not, come hell or high water, I will be posting again this Thursday.

Miss Pettigrew Soundtrack- 14 If I Didn't Care

2011-01-04T20:43:00.000-08:00

Authentic Thursday week 5

2010-12-30T17:55:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone is having the holiday season they desire! I for one have been sick with the flu and a broken heart...I won't go into details about the broken heart situation since it may come off as unnecessary whining. Still, it hurts :(

So my friends, in my last episode of sharing I left off with the details of my religion. As stated previously, I began exploring my creative nature and started a little painting business of my own. In addition to painting, I've always loved music and singing. In fact when I was around 8 years old I declared that I wanted to be an artist/ movie star/ musician/hippie. This was in many ways a result of a visit to San Francisco. We went there during the height of the hippie phenomenon in the 60's and my fate was sealed...I guess :) Oh wait! Come to think of it, my desire to be a famous singer was actually ignited a little earlier when watching The Wizard of Oz. Judy Garland singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" was my earliest inspiration, I would force people to sit down and listen to me sing that song. Coincidentally, Judy Garland and I share the same birthday. Yep, Judy and I go way back :)

Back on track now. Circa 1996, I started writing songs. It's strange to want something so much when being a young girl, and then do nothing to nurture the desire. I just let it die...until 1996. Then I started writing like crazy. Amidst this creative expression there was something else lingering inside me, though I wasn't aware of it. My spiritual self wasn't being satisfied. My marriage wasn't working. Well, actually we were getting along splendidly as a sort of brother/sister couple. As a "married" couple, however, we really needed help. So I left. The whole thing. The religion, the marriage, all my friends...goodbye.

I had been renting a workspace in an antique store to do my art and there was a loft upstairs. I moved in and took my daughter (10 years old at the time) with me. My son was 19 and stayed with my husband. Drastic huh? In my own defense, I did seek help while in my marriage. It just wasn't enough of the right kind of help...in my opinion. Looking back I can see how selfish I behaved. I just couldn't do any better at the time. I spent 17 years with the same man, FAITHFUL I might add. After trying my best, I couldn't try any more. That was 1997.

Next week I will tell you about my conversation with God (or someone doing a good impersonation) This took place in September 2001. It's cool, I promise! I'm hoping to post a photo of a new creation this weekend so check back :}

Peace and Love,
Susan

Lest you wonder...

2010-12-23T23:56:00.001-08:00

I have not forgotten about my commitment to blog every Thursday. I've been sick and will be back here next week to pick up where I left off on my "Authentic Thursday" post. I love sharing with you!

2011 Calendar drawing

2010-12-16T14:24:00.000-08:00

And the winner is....Alison Fairchild! Please contact me and let me know which of the paintings you want.
Thank you all who entered the drawing, and I hope you've received your calendars already. I still have some to mail out so if you haven't received yours, you will have it by next week :)

Love,
Susan

Authentic Thursday week 4

2010-12-09T21:03:00.000-08:00

All I can say is it's a darn good thing I don't blog for a living. I can barely write one post a week, forget trying to write every day!

This week I'm going to blast through 17 years of my life (1980-1997) and hopefully by next week I can bring this "story of my life" up to the present.

As I was saying last week, I began discussing the Bible with a friend (who later became my husband) which lead to my studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses (the religion he was raised in.) I spent the next 17 years as a devout JW, actively participating in all of the aspects which are associated with it, including going door to door and preaching about the Kingdom of God. It feels really strange to be writing about this topic. Having since left that religion, I have typically maintained a certain amount of privacy or anonymity when it comes to actually naming my previous religion. My beliefs now are quite different from when I was a Jehovah's Witness, though I have no regrets for having once been one.

In hindsight I can see how I desperately needed something very absolute during that part of my life. I was completely lost and the structure provided by this religion gave me something safe to believe in. It's interesting to me now when I realize how often times, when we have a profound awakening associated with religion or God, we can assume this is the ONLY way to God. This is the ONLY truth. I no longer believe this, but I understand this is how it occurs to many believers.

In my 2nd marriage I gave birth to another child and my husband also had 2 daughters from a previous marriage. Counting my son, his 2 daughters, and the daughter we had together, we raised 4 children. I can honestly say we did our best to provide a loving home to our children. At the same time we were in so many ways completely dysfunctional!

During those years I started tapping into my creativity. I did alot of sewing for my daughters, and also began painting furniture for our home. I would find old junk furniture and paint it an antique green or pink (of course!) and eventually I attempted to paint roses on them. This eventually lead me to selling my painted furniture to stores throughout the Los Angeles area. I started doing this as a business in 1994.

Ok, I think that will be it for now. Next week brings a rather drastic turn of events, so please come back :)

Much Love,
Susan

Calendar

2010-12-07T20:24:00.000-08:00

Just a little reminder to purchase your calendar before December 15th to be entered in the drawing to win a painting! For details, click on the link that says "2011 Calendar" at the top of the page
If you prefer, you can order a poster without the calendar and still be entered in the drawing...let me know and I will be happy to accommodate you !

Peace and Love,
Susan

Authentic Thursday week 3

2010-12-02T20:53:00.000-08:00

I got swept up in the holiday and missed posting last week. Here I am back on track.
I am finding this to be a trippy and cool experience, reviewing my past in a public fashion. I still have trouble typing, it hurts my wrists. I hope to eventually get a device for voice recording and avoid typing altogether!

Last week I left off with the divorce from my first husband. There is something I didn't mention about that period of my life. Husband #1 introduced me to certain Christian beliefs. He was particularly interested in the book of Revelation and "the time of the end." I was amazed to discover people actually read the Bible. I'm sure it was my first time to pick one up. It felt so special in my hands. We visited a few churches, though never became members of any of them. We just sat around drinking mad dog 20/20 and interpreting things like the Antichrist, 666, and anything else that was particularly frightening. I remember telling my Mother that the world would be ending soon. She responded by saying, "oh I guess I shouldn't bother replacing the light bulb in the kitchen, what with the world ending and all." Gotta love that woman :)

Christianity would have to wait. I still had some partying to do. After leaving my husband, I did just that. I became a young single mother with definite alcoholic tendencies. I'm not fond of reviewing this season of my journey. I was completely selfish when it came to doing what I wanted. My desire to drink and "be loved" outweighed my maternal responsibilities. Who wants to get up in the morning and fix your child breakfast when you've got a massive hangover? Not this 19 year old Mommy.
I continued on this course for a few years until I had a conversation with a friend who would eventually become Husband #2. One night in 1980, after watching the Lakers win the championship, and throwing back some beers, we started discussing the Bible. Here we go again!

More about that next week...

Love,
Susan

Authentic Thursday week 2

2010-11-18T20:50:00.000-08:00

I've made a commitment to post here every Thursday, and so here I am.
Picking up where I left off last week, or maybe jumping ahead in my journey...we'll see :)
The scary thing about the internet is we can all be publishers without an editor. Powerfully crazy!

Okie dokie now, I'm searching my memory and wondering which information is relevant and how detailed I should be in my disclosure. As I said in my previous post, I was rather discontented from birth and on into my teens. "Restless, irritable and discontent" to quote a well known book...
I did my share of "partying" so to speak. Starting in my pre-teens, I looked for outside artificial sources to make me feel better. Rebellious wild child!

At this point I'm pausing, still a little hesitant to provide too much information. I'm not so worried about offending anyone, it's just that I wonder how much is too much. At the risk of being completely transparent and tarnishing any glowing image you may have of me, here goes...I became pregnant at 16 and gave birth to a daughter who was immediately given up for adoption. That was 35 years ago. I won't go into the details of that, not right now...

I married at 17, had a son at 19, separated from my husband 6 months after my son was born.

So as not to overwhelm you, I'll close for now. Don't worry, it gets worse before it gets better :)

I wrote a song awhile ago regarding my past. Here are some of the lyrics:

See there's this girl and she's afraid to tell you...the many, many things she's done.
Yeah she thinks you may not approve of her past and you may want to turn and run.
If you choose to scrutinize her, you'll be disappointed for sure. Or can you love her for....who she really is?

Until next week...Peace and Love,
Susan

Coming Attractions

2010-11-18T20:42:00.001-08:00

These are some of the images that are being used for the "Art Cards."

Coming soon!

Authentic Thursday

2010-11-11T10:03:00.001-08:00

Blogging is a weird and tricky thing. Especially when you're not a journalist or even a writer. Why do I do it?
I think I started a blog so I could comment on other blogs, I needed a profile. Also, I was trying to create a separate identity from my painter/artist identity.
I chose a slightly unusual name "Femme Hesse". What does that mean? I made it up. I'm a big fan of Hermann Hesse and I'm female...so there you go. The title of this blog is "Naked Mind" a term I took from one of his books which describes a state of being...

When it came to separating myself from my art, I quickly caved and started showing my art here because it's easier to post a photo than to write something interesting and meaningful, at least for me!

I've titled this post "Authentic Thursday" which is something I intend to do on every Thursday, attempt to share something of myself in an authentic way...we'll see :)

If you notice over on the right is my profile which states "Life, art, spirituality, death." Those are the topics I had planned to write about when I started blogging, and I'm going to start doing exactly that. At least on Thursdays.

So let's get this show on the road! Starting with "spirituality" have I told you about my conversation with God? Probably not. And I won't be sharing that with you today because it would be best to lead up to that story with a little background history of my journey...

Please bear with me for a few weeks as I drag you through my early years. I willl eventually get more up to date with my sharing.

I was baptized Catholic as an infant, and raised by an atheist mother...isn't that quirky? Catechism on Tuesdays was my only exposure to the Catholic religion. My mom wanted us to have some religion, though she was turned off by the whole thing...

Ok, enough of that for now...let me tell you about my skin color. As a kid I had tons of freckles. My dad is from Irish/Scottish descent and I inherited his complexion. My mom, on the other hand, is Portuguese and has an olive complexion. I always wanted to be brown. I was a very discontented child.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was 12 or so. Oh and by the way, I was ALWAYS boy crazy!
Backtracking a bit...when I was 6 we moved to a community in San Diego called "Princess Gardens". It was a new housing tract.

It hardly looked like a garden, though it did have a natural beauty with the canyons and the hills all around it. Gradually the homeowners began landscaping and beautifying their property. My mom, well she tried. She planted ivy in the front yard. I don’t think it “took” if you know what I mean. The weeds tended to take over everything. We would spend our Saturdays watering the ground to soften it so we could pull the weeds. The only thing that survived in that soil was a goofy pine tree. It grew really tall as if to say, “you weeds can’t keep me down!"

Well, that will be all for this week...though I will share something from Hesse:

"Every man is more than just himself; he also represents the unique, the very special and always significant and remarkable point at which the world's phenomena intersect, only once in this way, and never again. "
Hermann Hesse

eir darkness, their suffering or fears, but a drop of pure light, eternal cheerfulness...

2011...almost

2010-11-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

As you may have noticed, I'm offering 2011 poster calendars below...in connection with these calendars, I'm having a drawing!

With every calendar you purchase, your name automatically gets entered to win one of the 4 paintings above.
1 calendar=1 entry,
2 calendars=2 entries...and so on :)

This drawing will close on December 15, 2010

Peace and Love,
Susan

2011...almost

2010-11-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

2011...almost

2010-11-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

It's looking as though my website should be finished by the end of November...cool!

In the meanwhile, I want to present a timely offer to those who may be interested.
I'm offering signed, limited edition poster/ collage calendars for 2011!

The cost for 1 poster calendar is $27. with free shipping.

I selected some of my favorite paintings to create two calendars of your choice...you can pre-order now and your calendar will arrive by December 17.

Peace and Love,
Susan

friends

2010-11-02T22:11:00.000-07:00

So I had one of the most excellent experiences I've had in a long time. I reconnected with my friend Debbie! We were so close as teenagers, and haven't been in touch in over 26 years!!! It was a magical experience to be able to speak with her and catch up after all these years...I love her :)

Speaking of friends, I want to send you to my friend Ilyse's website. She sells the most exquisite soy candles you have ever seen or smelled! I've included some images...and of course I still don't know how to create a link in the body of this post so I'll just have to type in the address and hope for the best....

http://www.aglowcandles.com/index.html

Like me, she's still in the process of having a new ecommerce site built, so if you want to shop, please visit her facebook page.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Aglow-Eco-Living/177376977256?ref=ts

If anyone would be so kind as to advise me how to post links, that would be fantastic!

Peace and Love,
Susan

Patience...and Pink

2010-10-22T20:08:00.001-07:00

I have always been the kind of person to "want it now!" Life can be painful when I live it from that place.

So, patiently I wait...I'm having to start all over on my new website. A few misunderstandings, and a now I'm having a new designer take over the project. Such is life :)

I suppose everything happens for a reason...right?

Autumn

2010-10-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I like to go through my portfolio and review paintings I've done in the past...the colors from this one remind of Autumn. Transition...

Tallulah

2010-10-14T15:18:00.000-07:00

I was commissioned to paint this. I found it to be very fun and challenging as it's not my usual style.

Hope you enjoy!

Love

2010-09-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I titled this post "Love." Just came to me for some reason...
Thanks to all who leave comments on my blog. I'm sorry if I don't always respond, I'm having wrist pain, and it's really difficult to type right now, I hope you understand.

Love,
Susan

In progress....

2010-09-14T17:19:00.000-07:00

My new improved website is currently under construction! I will be offering greeting cards, mousepads, and other cool stuff for sale...I'm using the images above for mousepads. Can't wait!

Monday

2010-08-23T18:13:00.000-07:00

Since I didn't want the agony of actually "choosing" a winner, I assigned numbers to everyone, and some of you had multiple numbers/entries based on the little extra promotion, etc. Then I asked my son to pick a number...you get it, right?

So the winner is Ashley Ruth from this blog:
http://getzblogging.blogspot.com/

Congratulations Ashley! Please email me to claim your painting :)

Thanks everyone for participating in the giveaway! Since there could only be one grand prize winner, and I don't like disappointing anyone, I have a sort of consolation prize for everyone else who entered. A 5x7 print of the Peacock painting will be mailed to everyone who entered this giveaway. So if you want to claim this prize, just email me and provide me with your mailing address.

Stay in touch, I'll be having another giveaway in the near future!

Peace and Love,
Susan

Sunday

2010-08-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

Entry for the giveaway will close at 12 midnight...I will announce the winner tomorrow.
Good Luck! (seems sort of stupid to wish everyone good luck...)

Thrilling!

2010-08-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

You want to know what it is super addictive? Coming on here and reading all the flattering comments...really, I'm so distracted I don't want to paint. I haven't really been involved in the blogging community, I think I could get used to this, being adored and stuff :)

I wish you could all win! Truly, if I were rich and didn't have to support myself with my art, I would give lots of it away. Generosity is a good thing, right?

I'll have another give away real soon, if nothing else just to receive these comments. Thanks to all of you for the support! Good luck...

By the way, many of these images will be available in print as well. I'm having stuff printed on satin for pillows, upholstered headboards, etc. I'm thinking the peacock will be really swell on a pillow...

Peace and Love,
Susan

Give Away...

2010-08-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

So, here is my first official giveaway, and I think it's a rather awesome first! The winner can select from any of the paintings listed in this post.
I have but one concern and that is shipping outside of the US. I've noticed many bloggers limit their giveaways to inside the country, no doubt due to shipping costs. I read some dos and dont's on giveaways and was advised not to charge shipping. The thing is, I want to keep this open to international readers. All I ask is if the winner is outside of the US, please be willing to pay for the shipping and customs. Another option is I will pay for shipping if the winner outside of US is willing to accept a fine art print, or satin print (less expensive to ship) rather than one of the large original paintings. So please keep this in mind when entering the giveaway :)
Sorry to complicate things...

Mandatory Entry:
1. The ONLY thing you need to do is to leave a comment on this post and be a public follower of my blog. CLICK THE "Follow" BUTTON TO THE RIGHT! Just make sure to leave a comment for this entry to be valid.

For extra entries do the following and leave a comment for each one you do:
1. Add my button to your blog
2. Post about my art and link back to me (on your blog)
3. Post about Susan Brown on Facebook (include a link to the giveaway in your post).
4. Any other creative promotion you can think of let me know and that will count as another entry 
This giveaway will close on Sunday August 22nd.

Give Away...

2010-08-12T22:32:00.001-07:00

Next week will be my first give away...I'll post all the information on Monday.
Yipee Ki yay :)

Voila!

2010-08-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

So, I made an attempt to do some paintings based on Maria's photos...and came up with something completely different!
Let's just say these were "inspired" by her photos, in no way do they capture the magic and light that are found in the originals.
Well...I tried :)

Villa Villa

2010-08-08T23:35:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow (or possibly Tuesday) I will be posting images of some paintings I've been working on that were inspired by Maria at Casa Dulce Hogar. She has some exquisite photos of the roses in her garden...I am not skilled enough as a painter to capture the superb gorgeousness of the photos, but I've done my best :)

In the meanwhile, please enjoy this painting entitled "villa villa" because it has such a happy, fun look to it that I was reminded of Pippi Longstocking and her home the "villa villa kula". I love me some Pippi!

Exciting News! (at least for me)

2010-07-30T20:13:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited to be getting a new website soon! It will be easier to shop, and there will be some groovy new products to choose from. Also, I will be having a few give aways in the very near future. It would be awesome if you added me as a friend on facebook (I just got my account up again) so I can keep you updated as things move forward...:) my badge is over there on the sidebar.

Woman's World...

2010-07-24T23:11:00.001-07:00

"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way! On a quiet day, if you listen carefully, you can hear her breathing."
--Arundhati Roy

The Sacred Feminine...probably not a topic I should be tackling at 11:30 pm. Especially because I'm too lazy to really do it justice. All I know is I want to help women find their power. This doesn't mean I don't want men to find their power. I just think it's time we tapped into the energy that is feminine. Joseph Campbell stuff you might say.
Peace...

Happy Birthday Natalie Wood

2010-07-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

I keep editing, and re-editing this post. My thoughts are, "hope I don't offend anyone by saying 'Happy Birthday' to someone who's deceased." Specifically I don't want to offend any of her kin who may still grieve on her birthday. Though she's no longer with us, I want to acknowledge personally how inspired I've always been by the lovely and talented Natalie Wood.
I'm currently reading a biography of Ms. Wood, and interestingly enough today is her birthday. It's a cosmic thing dont'cha know...and I'm all about the cosmic stuff.

She was a woman whose face was utterly flawless, I really could just look at her face all day long! And there are plenty of photos to choose from.

According to her biography, she would never go out without her make up. Her need to please and be viewed as the perfect Hollywood star must have been wearing.

"I didn't know who the hell I was. I was whoever they wanted me to be."
Natalie Wood

I think I relate to that statement, though not to the degree that she experienced it. In other words, my journey has been about discovery as well. Who the heck am I? What am I about? How to be authentic? Where is my tribe?

Not being a true "writer" myself, I struggle to express my own fascination with this woman. She was such a little pixie, really. Acting aside, she had a gift of "being" that was cut short. I'm sorry for the loss.

Collage

2010-07-07T12:06:00.001-07:00

collage by suzeelane featuring Betsey Johnson jewelry

Thank you ladies at Layla Grayce. They're having a giveaway over there and the entrants are asked "To enter for a chance to win, tell us about the most meaningful flower(s) you’ve ever received by leaving a comment here or on our Facebook page. Contest ends Tuesday, July 13th at 6pm EDT."

Such touching, sweet and lovely comments and stories.
It's cool when people generously share their life and experiences with others...

Thank you...

2010-07-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

I have been extremely remiss in thanking some of the bloggers who have generously posted about my art on their blog. I'm lazy and irresponsible when it comes to saying "thank you." By the way, it REALLY helps monetarily when someone blogs about me. It gets people clicking on my website, and hopefully buying some of my work.

Mostly, I'm just not technically savvy enough to link to their blogs, etc. Also, I feel awkward, like I'm bragging. I know I'm strange. Anyhow, I'm going to give it a try right now...(tried and failed)therefore, I will put links to their sites on my sidebar to the right...I would so appreciate learning how to do this!

First, thank you so much to Susan Ellison at Bluesprings Home. She has been a long time supporter of my art. I owe her big time! She has a stunningly beautiful store in Costa Mesa, Ca full of unique items which she has artfully displayed. Please visit her site, and if you're local, drop by her store!
(link on sidebar)

Thank you to the lovely and generous Charmaine at "Beautiful things to share"
for taking the time to write such kind words about me. Charmaine has put together a truly gorgeous blog, bar none! (link on sidebar)

Next, thank you to Jennifer Ramos at Madebygirl for sharing some of my work with her readers. Very thoughtful. (link on sidebar)

Thank you to the gals at Layla Grayce for including me on their blog
(link on sidebar)

Thank you Jenny at Simple Casual Living. She posted a really sweet article about me
(link on sidebar)

I apologize to anyone I may have inadvertently left out, please remind me and I will be sure to acknowledge you.

Peace and Love,
Susan

Geisha

2010-07-04T18:24:00.001-07:00

Geisha by suzeelane featuring Tarina Tarantino accessories

Blue Garden

2010-07-01T23:04:00.000-07:00

blue garden by suzeelane featuring Christian Louboutin shoes

I've been totally absorbed and obsessed with Polyvore!!! It's a really cool way of demonstrating the sizes of my paintings in relation to other pieces of furniture...
Enjoy!!

Mingle

2010-07-01T21:39:00.001-07:00

mingle by suzeelane on Polyvore.com

Things

2010-06-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

Things by suzeelane featuring Dior bags

2010-06-29T12:03:00.001-07:00

Audrey by suzeelane featuring Dorothy Perkins jewelry

2010-06-28T11:53:00.001-07:00

purple love by suzeelane featuring Valentino shoes

summer love by suzeelane featuring Kurt Geiger shoes

I know nothing about graphic design, but I'm totally enjoying goofing around on Polyvore. It's addictive!

Polyvore

2010-06-28T01:46:00.001-07:00

pink again by suzeelane featuring Ylang 23 Vintage necklaces

Prints

2010-06-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

I am now offering fine art prints of my work...please visit my website for details.

Color

2010-05-08T16:46:00.001-07:00

Pink and Green

Purple (sort of)

Light Blue

Pinkish

Pink Green and Black

Bohemian Romance

2010-04-27T12:44:00.001-07:00

A Bed of Roses by FashionFanatica featuring Tomas Maier dresses

Items in this set:
Cross strap dress, $645
Day dresses - Dresses - Womens - Debenhams, 4.50 GBP
chanel 2.55 in tue dye pink lambskin
Michal Negrin Victorian Roses Cameo Crystals Ring
Koh Samui Designer Clothing London | Fashion Boutique London, 36 GBP

I was thinking of putting together an event, a boutique art sale type of thing. So I googled "Bohemian Romance" since that's the sort of style I'm looking at putting together, and I found these gorgeous images....Enjoy!

The Sandman by FashionFanatica featuring Lipsy dresses

Items in this set:
Bubble Hem Corset Dress - Lipsy
Kaiya Eve Tutu
Peter Jensen - The Boutique - Topshop USA, $210
Pier 1 Imports - Furniture, Home Accents, Dining, Gifts & More, $2.48
polaroid frame

I'm not sure that this is exactly the Bohemian Romance style I have in mind...but I love how cute and funky it is...

A warm welcome to spring by FashionFanatica featuring Alice + Olivia dresses

Items in this set:
Alice + Olivia Pleated belted dress, $375
Butter-shoes-Deser-by-Butter-red-kitten-heel-with-bow, $140
Billybag – Designer Floral Handbag - Holdall
Large Fabric Flower Corsage, 20 GBP
H&M Ohrringe bunt

Please contact me if you're interested in participating in my yet unplanned event :)
]

Falling for Vintage by FashionFanatica featuring TopShop dresses

Items in this set:
Topshop Daily Fix « Your Online Fashion Spot
Shoes
Beautiful 1930's Tapestry Evening Bag with Decorative Frame Beautiful...
Victorian trading Co. - www.victoriantradingco.com - Language of Fans
Goddess of Beauty Cameo Brooch, $125

By the way, I love her combinations of style and color...I'm totally inspired to create some paintings based on her vignettes!

Modern Dancehall by FashionFanatica on Polyvore.com

Items in this set:
miss_sixty_shoes.
Le Black Book - Natasha Gold Piped Clutch
Eye Shadow - Golden Peach - UrbanDecay.com, $16
La assemblage Particulière, Limited Rose Perfume
Daisy lowe image by mel-dines on Photobucket

La Divina

2010-04-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

I don't really know much about Opera. I can't even honestly say I like the opera. I do, however, love the arias (I think that's what they're called) and I admire the passion behind the music.

Maria Callas as a performer was so amazing. I just finished watching a few youtube videos of her performances and WOW! The range of emotions executed with such fluid grace is heavenly. She is most worthy of the title La Divina.

Five years ago, my daughter and I went to a play written by Terrence McNally, entitled "Master Class". The plot synopsis is as follows:

"At its core is diva Maria Callas, a glamorous, commanding, larger-than-life, caustic, and surprisingly drop-dead funny pedagogue of a voice master class. Alternately dismayed and impressed by the students who parade before her, she retreats into recollections about the glories of her own life and career. Included in her musings are her younger years as an ugly duckling, her fierce hatred of her rivals, the unforgiving press that savaged her early performances, her triumphs at La Scala, and her affair with Aristotle Onassis. It all culminates into a monologue about sacrifice taken in the name of art." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master_Class

I had no idea how much of an impact this play had on my daughter who was 17 at the time. Though she was already involved in the musical programs in high school, she was moved to study classical voice in college as a result of this introduction to La Divina.

>

–”I am not an angel and do not pretend to be. That is not one of my roles. But I am not the devil either. I am a woman and a serious artist, and I would like so to be judged.” Maria Callas

The Voice

2010-04-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

There is a little theme that seems to play in the background of my life. It's about finding our voice. Literally, figuratively, personally, etc. Here's a thought, maybe it's true, maybe not. Women had to shut up for a good while when the patriarchal society was established. I'm no expert on history mind you. Feminism, women's studies, well, like I say I'm no expert. Still, there's something about my own life, my own story that needs telling and I'm still looking for my voice. Somehow I'm connected to all women past and present and I want to sum it all up in a profound beautiful artistic way. I'm still struggling with the big picture.

"He's comin' in for the kill like I knew he would. I'm not gonna run even if I should. Little does he know I'm ready for the duel, I've gathered all my strength but I won't be cruel. He's callin' on a god that he's always known, makes ya kinda sad that he has not grown. I wanna' introduce him to a foreign lullaby, take him to a place where it's safe to cry...and bleed bleed heart bleed. Bleed bleed heart bleed. Follow me down to the bottom of the deep blue sea.

The ladies up above seem to need a voice. The patriarchal times left them with no choice. Fueling the aroma of a dead man's soul, hard to comprehend the color of control. I saddle up my mule and I hit the road, a few of us still lookin for the mother lode. Bring along a potion to reveal the way, an atlas of the world if you decide to stay...and bleed, bleed heart bleed. Bleed, bleed heart bleed. Follow me down to the bottom of the deep blue sea.

We were mermaids once upon a time. A deeper shade of blue aquatic dancers. Can't go back to what we left behind. Do the stars above contain all the answers?

They found him on the beach washed ashore they said. A garland made of pearls wrapped around his head. Standing in the distance you could see here there. A melancholy smile and a vacant stare...oh bleed, bleed heart bleed. Bleed, bleed heart bleed. Follow me down to the bottom of the deep blue sea." Words and music by Susan Brown

This painting is a tribute to Maria Callas...though it certainly doesn't capture her true beauty...

Making a Difference....

2010-04-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget what's important...I wish life would just come at me a little different than it does. The reality though is that life isn't a tidy little package that suits my every mood.

Where am I going with this? Well, heck I don't know. What's a blog for? I'm thinking it needs to be more than just a place where I post pretty pictures. I want to move and inspire others. So, even though I don't have lots of readers, I will try to bring something to the table that is...valuable.

Making a difference is important to me. I have a cousin, his name is Ray, and he has been in prison most of his adult life. He had a little penchant for burglary. He loved to break in houses and steal their valuables. From the time he was a teen into his early adulthood this was his way.

I don't want to condone what he did, but I want to tell you that he was the sweetest kid you ever could meet! Stealing aside, he had a caring heart.

I haven't seen him since he's been locked up. That's been a little over 30 years! He's been on my mind lately and I've been talking about paying him a visit. I have been attending a seminar series and during the course of this event we were asked to invent the possibility of "making a difference". I realized that I really want to make a difference with the prison system. I want to bring an education to the inmates that will truly "transform" their lives. I honestly know very little about what goes on in these institutions, but it seems clear that they aren't being reformed. Rather, it seems they are breeding more criminals.

I'm choosing to take this on! This is huge, I realize...but I need my life to be about more than just painting pretty pictures. There is another area where I want to make a difference and I will write about that in another post...

Peace and Love,
Susan

मोनिका दोल्लिसों

2010-03-06T16:56:00.000-08:00

सन फ्रांसिस्को १९६७

2010-02-23T23:07:00.000-08:00

For some strange reason my blog title is in a different language...It's supposed to read "San Francisco 1967".

Anyhow, that's the year I first visited this city. I came here with my Father and siblings to visit my Uncle. I was so awestruck! 9 years old, and utterly smitten with everything that is/was San Francisco. Visually, I mean there are no words in my vocabulary to describe the impression that was left on me.
I decided then and there that I wanted to be an artist, musician and hippie.

My guess is you would have had to be there. Seeing the swarms of colorful flower children was much more concentrated in San Francisco than your average town, including San Diego (where I lived)China town was out of this world!

During that visit I was introduced to an artist named Gilbert Johnson. Walking up the stairs into his apartment was a painting which captivated me.

So, I am currently staying with my Uncle and having the opportunity to live in the city (temporarily) and experience it for a short while. When I first moved in back in November, he pulled the painting out of the closet and I felt as though I had come full circle. It's been 43 years since seeing the very painting that inspired me to be an artist. I also had the chance to be reintroduced to Gilbert and he showed me more of his work.
I've included that painting in this post as well as other images/posters of Gilbert's.

I'm amazed as I look at his work and how much I was influenced by his style/subjects. I don't in any way compare his skill level to mine (he's way more skilled) still, there are similarities.

Meeting Gilbert again brought me back to that time in the 60's...he most definitely reminded me of the hippies...

Please be sure and visit his site. www.gilbertjohnsondesigns.com

Mixed Media

2009-10-31T12:04:00.000-07:00

I've been working with other elements in my painting these days...paper, jewels, stuff like that. I still have to put roses in there somewhere....enjoy!

rose gardens

2009-09-10T20:59:00.001-07:00

I hope I don't get in trouble for using these images I found on the web...they're just so gorgeous I couldn't resist!

I love roses!!!

Pink Haired Ladies

2009-09-07T16:09:00.001-07:00

I'm back....

2009-09-07T14:00:00.000-07:00

I've been away in my own world, and I like it there...I guess I'm not really a "blogger" at heart. However, I love to read and look at the pictures on other blog sites. Plus, I still want to share parts of me including my art and music. So, while I probably won't have lots of inspirational commentary, I hope you'll enjoy some of the paintings and stuff.

A little update about my current projects: Wait, before I go there let me clarify that I am a little nutty and tend to be greedy for creativity. I want to do it all...at the same time I can't stand being a person who goes on about their accomplishments, etc.

Well, I'm doing a series of Marie Antoinette paintings and loving it! Also, here's another Geisha...

Peace and Love,
Susan

Farm Noir...

2008-07-06T21:36:00.000-07:00

That's the name of this series of paintings I recently completed. It was somewhat cathartic, getting away from my usual romantic floral themed paintings. It may not seem that the angel painting is compatible with the farm theme, however, something told me to include it. I was commissioned to do this series by Susan Ellison from the store Blue Springs Home
She was inspired by the bedding by Matteo

On Death

2008-06-06T23:24:00.000-07:00

"...For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."
Kahlil Gibran

It's the anniversary of the passing of my friend Jeff. I was present in the room when he died on 06/06/06...that's right :)This is a picture of Jeff. He was a cool dude. He had some pretty feet and he would paint his toe nails blue. I loved him.

Life is a series of deaths actually. I have always been fascinated with the topic. Well, it would be more accurate to say I've always been fearful of it. I'm not really fearful anymore. I like to stay open to the endless possibilities that await us after this life...

Music...love

2008-06-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

Music and lyrics are a big part of my life. I haven't been doing any song writing lately and I can feel it. Meg over at Pigtown Design sent me a link to a beautiful song called "Perfect Day" written by Colin Towns and performed by Miriam Stockley. I so appreciate the inspiration. Meg also designed the really stylish banner for my blog. A very talented woman...

On a side note...I'm currently being swept off my feet by a new love. Feeling a bit like a teenager. I wasn't looking, it just "happened". I see couples who have been happily married for years and I admire them. I, on the other hand, have struggled in this area. So...it's interesting to be making the attempt at love while on the verge of turning 50 (next week) time will tell...

"Maybe I get to walk the path of the damned. They say that I'm melancholy well maybe I am. I've thought about the situation and now I understand
that the river of life is not always pure. Sometimes it can be a little obscure. One thing I've found that's true as can be...I'm deep and I'm dark and I'm sad when I'm not true to me."

Spirituality, women in art...

2008-05-22T21:54:00.001-07:00

It seems that women have been a favorite subject for many painters and sculptors. I have found it to be cathartic in some way. I tend to be very romantic and flowery in my style and technique. Sometimes though, I go for a bit of an ancient, primal and somewhat dark approach. Painting for me is a spiritual experience when I follow my intuition. So, there you go. Women, art spirituality all in one package.

I'm gonna try to go with my intuition with this blog thing. I don't wish to offend anyone, but I gotta be real. I have no current definition for my faith/spirituality. I'm a seeker. I paint. I sing. I write songs. I play guitar (umm..sort of)

Peace,
Susan

The Heart

2008-05-17T23:40:00.000-07:00

Music is such a gift. My daughter attends Long Beach City College and she's in the music program. I attended one of the concerts tonight and once again they performed
"Blow ye the Trumpet". This is such a moving piece of music it always brings me to tears. I thought this time I wouldn't be affected. Wrong. The choir comes out into the aisles of the auditorium so that the audience is surrounded by sound. I look at the faces of some in the audience and for whatever reason I feel so connected to them all, though I know none of them. We shared a moment.
There's nothing "cool" about this song. It's just beautiful. I tried to upload a version from youtube but I'm having a hard time. I've pasted the html code for reference if that does any good. I hope you have the opportunity to hear it some time.

The Body

2008-05-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

Before I forget, I need to write about my dream last night. I won't go into detail about all the bizarre aspects that are regular features in my dream time. No, I just want to remember the indescribable realism that I experienced physically last night.
When I was young I was extremely limber. I took for granted this natural ability. I never really developed it. I took maybe one ballet class and the instructor was blown away at how "bendable" I was. "Can you do this?" she'd ask. And sure enough I could.
There is a pose that is extremely difficult for most people and it was second nature to me. It's a combination of the 2 pictures shown. The feet come over your head as in the first picture, and the arms are in front with the elbows bent as in the second picture.
Last night, in my dream I did this pose. I can't put into words the exhilarating feeling that filled my body. I could feel the muscles working just as if I was actually in that position. I have sciatica in my left hip area, and I could feel a slight pinch there as my lower body kicked off the floor. I needed a little help, so I asked someone to hold my feet in front of me to keep them from lifting. So extraordinarily real.
My body remembers...

Annie Liebovitz

2008-05-17T12:20:00.000-07:00

This is the first time I've ever posted any photos other than my own. Hopefully I won't be sued.
After the big brue-haha a few weeks ago with the Miley Cyrus photo shoot,I decided to google Annie so I could look at more of her work. I loved this series, the whole concept is really cool. I'm sorry I don't remember which site I found these on, bad form I know...sorry.

Enjoy,
Susan

The Madonna

2008-05-07T17:04:00.000-07:00

With Mother's Day and all....

Cake, bread and carbs of any kind...

2008-05-06T15:55:00.000-07:00

I have this dilemma with body obsession. You know, obsessed about my weight. Just last week I felt ok with my weight. This week, a whole different story. I swear I've gained 5 pounds and I get super aggravated and into self loathing. I wish I could accept myself when I'm not thin. I see women much larger than me happily going about their lives. I'm almost 50 for godsakes, I seem to think I'm supposed to have the body of a 25 year old. I love cake. Bread and pasta are comforting too. As soon as I introduce these back into my diet I'm on a roll....more please.
I'm so influenced by the "thin" look that even when painting this nude, which was based on an ancient Roman painting, I shaved off a few pounds around the middle to make her more...acceptable?
I'm also noticing I mader her breasts bigger than the original. Once more influenced by the modern version of the perfect woman. She's still heavy by todays standards. That's just weird.

anonymous angel

2008-05-02T22:45:00.001-07:00

Well, I've just visited a blog where there was quite a bit of dialogue, heated dialogue based on the bloggers critique of a certain interior designer...I wanted to jump in and be the big saviour. You know, say something profound to resolve the whole thing. I love to play the "fixer". I quickly realized it wouldn't be wise to jump in the mix. I would easily get wounded if someone lit into me with harsh words. Then I'd be pissed and have to come back with proof that I can be clever and sarcastic....no good can come of that.
I will, however, comment here on my own blog. My observation....I believe that if someone is going to post an opinion and critique another's work, etc. it's cowardly to remain anonymous.
Anonymity can be a beautiful thing when someone is involved in an act of generosity or some noble deed and they don't want to bring attention to themselves. Otherwise, to rip someone a new one and do so anonymously is, in my opinion, lame.
I'm not sure why people find the need to tear others down anyway. I guess I do know why. Jealousy. I've certainly had my share of being envious of what others have in comparison to what I don't have. There are some extremely talented and wealthy people out there! I see some unbelievable homes on the design blogs, wow! When I get into the place where I'm comparing, that's no good.

Anyhow, this painting is interesting because the angel is below rather than above.

Peace,
Susan

Dreamy

2008-04-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

I love the colors in this room...it's a photo from Romantic Homes magazine June 2007. The bedding is Bella Notte and Pillow Talk (I think?) I was very flattered to have one of my paintings included in this shot. As I troll around "blog land" as it's been called, I find so many varied styles of decorating. I'm drawn to them all! My dream home would definitely include multiple themes. Asian motifs are a favorite of mine. I like creating paintings that are a fusion of french/asian/floral. A series of geishas is in the works....as well as a million other projects :)

Peace,Susan

The View

2008-04-26T21:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forgot to be grateful....actually, many times I forget. Anyhow, I have this really gorgeous little garden I planted a few years ago in my back yard. I can just sit and look at it for hours. Especially now that the roses are blooming. I really love the sound of all the birds who hang out back there. It's peaceful. This is a photo of the view through the window...

Happifying?

2008-04-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

The word " happifying" keeps presenting itself to me...I thought, "is this a real word?" I asked my daughter, a college student, if this was a real word and she was pretty sure it isn't. Still, it won't go away. So I googled it and found that it is an un-word so to speak. Actually, there was a definition on unwords.com (where the mission is "Changing the English language one word at a time.")

The origin of happifying comes from happy and gratifying, sort of a hybrid.

Well, I ask myself why this word keeps creeping into my consciousness...I realize that the really gratifying tasks in life are when we're helping someone else. I mean really helping someone else. A life of service. Hmmm....let me be honest here and confess that I haven't been of real service in a long time. I love painting and it's rewarding when I do a painting and I'm satisfied with the results, and then someone else tells me they think the painting is gorgeous. Yes, that's fulfilling. However, I look at the real caregivers in the world who are selfless and genuinely giving individuals and I know I should be doing more. Ok, maybe the word "should" isn't correct. What I mean is if I want to experience happiness on a more regular basis I need to be of service more often. "How" is the question. Probably for you beneficent folks out there this comes naturally and so you don't have to look real hard for ways to serve. I, on the other hand, struggle to pull my head out of my *** and think of someone else. I'm seriously thinking of working as a part time caregiver for the elderly. I'll report back when I've made some progress in this area.

In the meantime, I think this painting of big chunky roses is "happifying".

Peace,

Susan

Attitude...lucky girl

2008-04-16T22:28:00.001-07:00

I was complaining to a friend, well not complaining just bemoaning my current situation actually. Let me start over.
I am so impressed with the caliber of women bloggers out there. They are so gracious and poised. I love the decor blogs particularly. I notice some bloggers have mission statements as to the purpose of their blogs and they seem to stay true to their mission. I see so many gorgeous and utterly amazing photos of the most tasteful homes. I'm overloaded with visual thrills that compel me to want to paint everything at once.
Where I'm going with this, I don't know. I guess I'm looking for my voice. Relevance of some sort. A valid reason to have this blog. All I can guarantee is I'll stay true to myself, whatever that means. Hopefully the person I am will grow. Well, in fact I absolutely WILL grow, at what pace I don't know.
In the meanwhile, I am still the extremely self obsessed Susan Brown who may tend to go on and on about herself, her life her dreams and disappointments. There will be plenty of pictures as well.
Anyhow, about my friend and my complaining. I was telling him I don't know why I chose to be an artist and he said "you didn't choose, you just are an artist" and it hit a place within that rung true. My sister calls it the truth bell where you just know. And so, wah wah I whine sometimes about my struggles, but all in all I'm really lucky. Attitude is everything. And look at these roses I planted a few years ago. They're blooming again even though they were dormant all winter.

Toile

2008-04-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

In addition to my latest passion for painting the Madonna, I've been working on these paintings which will be printed on fabric and made into pillows and throws. I love textiles though I'm not a textile artist (see my post on bohemianromance.blogspot.com)

Black and white and sepia tones are so chic, I think. So I present to you "Ode to Toile".

Enjoy.

Peace,

Susan

Mary, etc.

2008-04-08T11:31:00.000-07:00

Hmmm....about this latest obsession with painting the "Madonna". Well, who knows why really? I think it's the feminine element that I'm trying to convey. No offense to the religious folk out there, however, I'm not necessarily promoting the conventional understanding of Mary.

There has always been a Mother/Virgin element running through multiple cultures. In my paintings I don't include the child for some reason...maybe I'll add that. I also have these Madonnas corresponding to a sign of the zodiac. I don't know why. Just seemed like a good idea.

I actually was baptized Catholic and went to catechism, did my first communion and confirmation. I don't think I was very good at the whole thing. I'm reading a book called "The Cloister Walk" by Kathleen Norris. It's about her experience as an oblate in a benedictine monastery. Very enlightening.

I enjoy reading, in fact I MUST read. It keeps me sane. If not completely sane, it keeps me from going too far into my shadow self.

New start...

2008-04-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

This is my first official blog...and I'm not sure what to write about. How about, I thank Monica Dollison for creating such an awesome header with my art?!!

Words are powerful. Thoughts are powerful as well. I just came home from a seminar on energy, thoughts, and law of attraction, etc. Lots of new habits for me to implement. I have a word that I plan on eliminating from my vocabulary. It starts with an "H" and it's the opposite of love. See, I'm already eliminating it. That's going to limit me....I love using strong language.

Anyhow, I will be using this site as a way of communicating positive messages and images. Some of the art I put up will be a little dark at times. Dark can be good. Don't be scared.

I'm amazed at all of the creative people out there! I guess there are others (besides myself) who feel the compelling desire that can only be satisfied by making stuff. Maybe that seems like an "out there" sort of comment. The thing is, I tend to be very greedy when it comes to the creative process, I want to do it ALL. I need to realize I'm not the only artist in the world. There are many, and there is plenty of creativity to go around.

My goal is to connect with the other artists, writers and fellow travelers on this journey.

Peace,
Susan